Single in Silicon Valley: We Are Family

Friends are family you choose for yourself.  ~Author Unknown

When I defected from Michigan to California back in the mid-90s, I moved here not knowing a single soul.

I was young(er), craved adventure and didn’t fear much. A journey I thought would last a couple of years has now been more than 15 years. In that time, knowing California was becoming my home, I knew how necessary good friendships would have to be. 

Over time, flying back and forth to Michigan became trips fewer and farther between. Already from a small family, some have since passed away and others have grown up and moved out of state for adventures of their own. While I longed for it, I didn’t grow up in an environment where we had holiday family gatherings or anything of the like. I’d seen this concept on television and in movies, but nothing up close and personal.

The more time I spent here in Silicon Valley, and meeting many good friends along the way, I began getting invited to family gatherings of my friends. I declined over and over again for two reasons: (1) I felt as though I couldn’t relate and it would show and (2) the thought of having to see it up close and personal made me wildly uncomfortable.

Slowly but surely other friends in the same situation came up on my radar. After commiserating for a while, we started to form our own family, and defined what the holidays should be for ourselves. My definition of family changed, and I no longer allowed myself to feel handicapped by not having certain experiences growing up.

I eventually let my guard down and joined my BFF and her family for a Thanksgiving weekend near Seattle. I still had fears of them posing for family pictures with matching sweaters and drinking eggnog by the fire. Instead, I was met with a wonderful form of dysfunction that always ended up with them laughing at and with each other and enjoying a non-tradition Thanksgiving meal. 

This was five years ago. I’ve been up for "Turkey Weekend" every year since. From beer-can turkey to deep friend turkey to fondue Thanksgiving (prawns, chicken, beef, veggies), it’s been a blast every year. 

Last year also marked the first time I did Christmas with them as well, albeit as a last minute addition. The fear came up again, since there were presents involved and kids in the mix. It manifested itself when the family engaged in their tradition of opening one present on Christmas eve, which ended up always being a pair of pajamas. While I was both prepared to not be a part of this and started to slink to the back of the room, I was presented with a present as well. Yes, I was part of the pajama tradition!

I go into this holiday season with a heart lighter than it has been in years, being able to enjoy hanging with my fellow singles locally as well as spending Thanksgiving and Christmas with my adopted family in Washington State. I’ve found that it is true that friends are the family you choose for yourself.  Hopefully they’ve chosen you back!