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Health & Fitness

Single in Silicon Valley: Thrown Through a Loop

I wondered if I, a single, strong, progressive-thinking woman in Silicon Valley could really take on anything and everything.

Sometimes, just when you think your life is in a groove, a somewhat predictable pattern, something comes to change all of that.

In the past few weeks, I’ve had such an experience, and while I’m still processing all that has happened, there is a part of me that believes my perspective on life has been permanently altered.

I received a phone call during my typical day of balancing multiple jobs and responsibilities, a call that put everything on hold. A dear friend from childhood had passed away, a victim of a senseless crime. Before I could really focus on this news, another thought popped into my head that left me feeling paralyzed: what would happen to her teenager?

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Many moons ago, in our early 20s, we were both flying pretty high on life with recent job promotions and paths to success. She was a single parent to a toddler at the time. In the midst of buying her first home, she met with an estate planner and began thinking about the future and who would care for her daughter should anything happen her. She asked me if I would step into that role. Feeling pretty invincible at the time, I said sure, because nothing would ever happen.

Then I was brought back to the phone call.

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Am I about to go from godmother to guardian? Am I even capable of such a responsibility? Would taking her from everything and everybody she knows to live on the West Coast with me be in her best interest? 

After several days of phone calls to my goddaughter, her uncle, the estate attorney and my own attorney, I learned that she amended her wishes a few years ago and listed her brother as primary guardian, with me as alternate…just in case. While a judge will have the final say, it appears that this will be in her best interest. Now I can mourn my friend, be angry at the one who snatched her life away, and focus on giving her daughter as much love and support that I can from 2500 miles away.

Still, the thought of instantly being responsible for someone other than myself (legally, that is) has thrown me mentally through a loop. I began evaluating my whole life: who my friends and influencers are, my career, my lifestyle as a whole.  I was taking a mental inventory of my life. I wondered if I, a single, strong, progressive-thinking woman in Silicon Valley could really take on anything and everything. I wondered if I was living the life I wanted or existing in situations created around me.

I think I’ve managed to get back to a sense of balance, but people look a bit different to me now. The way I socialize feels different. I’m more aware of my surroundings. I wonder about other "triggers" that I should be preparing for. 

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