The Single Mom's Top 10

I love motherhood. I could wax poetic about the joys of being my son’s mother for an eternity.

Single motherhood, however, is its own separate adventure. It's not as easy to come up with all there is to love about this part of the gig.

For the last five years, I have been keenly aware of my status as a single mom. I have been the one responsible for every field trip form, every playdate, every school lunch and every doctor’s appointment. At times, it has proven to be an awesome responsibility.

Somewhere in the second or third year of single motherhood, I began to find my groove. I actually began to relish the opportunity to discover what it meant to be a mother on my own terms. I started to focus on all of the things that made single motherhood rock. I became grateful, and the journey got easier. 

When I take the time to notice them, there have been plenty of perks. In no particular order, here are my top ten:

10. When I blow it, I may have to take all the blame, but when I get it right, the credit is all mine. For example, I forget to put gas in my car until I am driving from San Jose to pick up my son from school. This makes me 15 minutes late. Ooops. The next day I make the “most awesomest” Lego cake for Justin’s “most awesomest birthday party ever” and am redeemed.

9. There is no one to argue with about "who" does "what." It is always my turn to wake up to Justin’s cough in the middle of the night, help him with his homework, vacuum and make dinner. Precious time and energy are never wasted negotiating over "who" has to do "what."

8. My son can unload the dishwasher, separate the recycling and clean the toilet. (He is the only boy here, after all.) Since it’s often just the two of us, he has had to step up more than he might otherwise have been expected to. This will serve his future partners well.

7. Once or twice a week, when Justin spends time with his dad, I get several hours of me time. Sometimes I squander those away working, but there are other glorious days when I put on pajamas at 4 o’clock in the afternoon and eat chocolate chip cookies for dinner, just because I can.

6. Justin knows how to make himself a sandwich. This means I can take an occasional nap. (Or the illusion of a nap, as he still has to come ask me where the peanut butter is and come back to have me unscrew the jelly lid.)

5. I don’t get pressure from my girlfriends to go out in the evenings. They know that I am the only one home to take care of Justin, so when I say I can’t, they understand. (They also know that since I love putting on my pajamas at 4 o’clock in the afternoon, I will milk this predicament for as long as I can.) I love that they are still so willing to indulge me and just come hang out in my living room after my son goes to bed.

4. No one wrestles with Justin and gets him all riled up right before bedtime. Unless it's me. (See No. 10.)

3. My son has learned how to entertain himself. We often work quietly for hours, he on the floor with his Legos and me on the couch with my laptop. We have learned that doing things alone doesn’t have to mean you are lonely.

2. I do not have to share my Netflix queue with anyone. After Justin goes to bed, I always get to pick the movie.

1.  Justin and his dad get to have their own relationship without me following them around to remind them about the importance of reapplying sunscreen and eating dark leafy greens.

As I recognize the benefits that these last few years of single motherhood have brought me, my heart is full. Most importantly, I know that I never have to think of or treat my son as if he is from a broken home.

On the contrary, I can celebrate the effort his father and I have made to ensure that he has two homes, filled with love for him.