The Middle School Child, Oh, My!

Here are some helpful hints when dealing with the Middle School Child!!

• There is a major difference between boys and girls at this age, so comparing children – either you own or friends/family – is a waste of time and could be quite detrimental.
• Children at this age change from day to day.  The pendulum swings at a rapid pace.  One day a child, the next day a young adult and then back to a child again.
• Expect the unexpected.
• Remember that the child who makes it the hardest on you is the one who needs the most attention.
• Don’t ever assume that you are getting the full truth.
• Rely on friends and your child’s friends parents to be your extended helpers.  Help each other.  This is different from comparing – this is, “I saw Johnny smoking.”  Do not feel like you are a snitch.  Parents must rely on each other.
• Do not think that by calling your child out on an issue will destroy your relationship.  You are the parent.
• Be fair even if the child is not.
• Remember that this is a phase and will pass.
• Offer your help – every day even if it is refused.  Your child will know you are there for support
• Tell you child every day – often – that you love him/her and are always there.
• Be tolerant of forgetfulness.  Remember that it is hard to grow up.
• Disorganization will drive you crazy.  Offer suggestions for success.
• Do NOT do your child’s work for him/her.
• Volunteer at school.  Be a class parent.  Go on field trips. Just be aware and stay a bit of a distance away.  Don’t crowd the child.
• Stay in touch with teachers.
• Watch for unusual behavior for your child as it could be a sign of bullying or substance abuse.
• Did I mention to tell your child that you love him/her?
• You are the parent.  Growing up is not a democracy.  Be the parent.
• Understand that when the little gnome pumps hormones into the child at night, a new being can emerge in the morning.
• Don’t embarrass the child.
• Contracts work at this age.  Determine curfews, house rules, and study habits.
• Involve you child in some decision making policies.  Give two or three choices – all of which you can live with – and then let your child think s/he is in control.
• Remember that you won’t be a chauffeur forever.  However, you can post a calendar and request advance notice.
• Help you child to determine how s/he learns best and then offer to set him/her up in a way that makes sense.
• Yes, you can restrict TV, computer and electronic time.
• Yes, you can have coffees with other parents to talk strategy.
• No, every other parent is not better than you are.  You are all the same, but need to join forces.
• Smell water bottles to be sure that it is really water.
• Know who your child’s friends are.  Meet the parents.
• Encourage your child to have his/her friends over to your house.  Bring in a snack, bring in water, talk for a few minutes.
• Always ask for help from the school if you need it.
• They really care about fitting in with others – they REALLY care.