Here are some helpful hints when dealing with the Middle School Child!!
- There is a major difference between boys and girls at this age, so comparing children – either you own or friends/family – is a waste of time and could be quite detrimental.
- Children at this age change from day to day. The pendulum swings at a rapid pace. One day a child, the next day a young adult and then back to a child again.
- Expect the unexpected.
- Remember that the child who makes it the hardest on you is the one who needs the most attention.
- Don’t ever assume that you are getting the full truth.
- Rely on friends and your child’s friends parents to be your extended helpers. Help each other. This is different from comparing – this is, “I saw Johnny smoking.” Do not feel like you are a snitch. Parents must rely on each other.
- Do not think that by calling your child out on an issue will destroy your relationship. You are the parent.
- Be fair even if the child is not.
- Remember that this is a phase and will pass.
- Offer your help – every day even if it is refused. Your child will know you are there for support
- Tell you child every day – often – that you love him/her and are always there.
- Be tolerant of forgetfulness. Remember that it is hard to grow up.
- Disorganization will drive you crazy. Offer suggestions for success.
- Do NOT do your child’s work for him/her.
- Volunteer at school. Be a class parent. Go on field trips. Just be aware and stay a bit of a distance away. Don’t crowd the child.
- Stay in touch with teachers.
- Watch for unusual behavior for your child as it could be a sign of bullying or substance abuse.
- Did I mention to tell your child that you love him/her?
- You are the parent. Growing up is not a democracy. Be the parent.
- Understand that when the little gnome pumps hormones into the child at night, a new being can emerge in the morning.
- Don’t embarrass the child.
- Contracts work at this age. Determine curfews, house rules, and study habits.
- Involve you child in some decision making policies. Give two or three choices – all of which you can live with – and then let your child think s/he is in control.
- Remember that you won’t be a chauffeur forever. However, you can post a calendar and request advance notice.
- Help you child to determine how s/he learns best and then offer to set him/her up in a way that makes sense.
- Yes, you can restrict TV, computer and electronic time.
- Yes, you can have coffees with other parents to talk strategy.
- No, every other parent is not better than you are. You are all the same, but need to join forces.
- Smell water bottles to be sure that it is really water.
- Know who your child’s friends are. Meet the parents.
- Encourage your child to have his/her friends over to your house. Bring in a snack, bring in water, talk for a few minutes.
- Always ask for help from the school if you need it.
- They really care about fitting in with others – they REALLY care.
