Stepping Out of the 'In' Crowd

While enjoying some cream of mushroom and barley soup yesterday at Specialty’s Café, I noticed a boy about 13 years old pass my table.

He caught my attention, because he wore an especially wrinkled T-shirt with the words Julia Robinson Mathematics Festival printed across the front. His awkward gait was charming, as was his fidgeting at the counter while placing his order with the attractive cashier.

I knew that this boy must be a nerd, or a geek, or a dork, or whatever the correct terminology is these days for a kid that is smart, awkward, and not at all fashionable.

I remembered some of my greatest concerns as a young teen: Be popular, do not let too many people know that you are smart and never wear horizontal stripes. I would not have been caught dead at a mathematics festival, and if I had been dragged to one against my will, I certainly would not have worn proof of my attendance afterward.

My priorities at the time were very much centered around what others thought of me. I paid less attention to what I thought of myself.

If the prettiest and most popular girls did not get good grades, then I would hide my A’s and act like I didn’t understand Mr. Bell’s lecture, either. If they all had perfect vision, then I’d squint my eyes and strain them until they burned rather than put on my giant Angela Lansbury glasses to try to read the blackboard. If they lived in two-story homes and rode to school in a Lexus, then I would have my brother drop me off half a mile away so no one would see me climb out of his rusty Chevy Impala.

I spent an exhausting amount of time trying to squeeze into a mold that I imagined would bring me ultimate success and happiness and acceptance. But I could never quite fit perfectly. I was always coming up a bit short or spilling out over the edges.

I missed out on many opportunities to learn about myself. I preferred to learn about my friends and who they thought I should be.

I wonder what I would have done instead of cheerleading and acting dumb. Perhaps I would have joined the spelling bee or gone to a mathematics festival. Perhaps I would have had an insect collection or participated in the school science fair.

Looking back, I recognize the important role a parent plays in helping a child feel comfortable in their own skin. While my folks meant well, they definitely never spoke of self-acceptance or pursuing your own interests without regard for what was "cool."

I can see how the support of a parent when it comes to discovering what you like and what you care about can spell the difference between following your passions or following your friends. This is why, while I am mildly intimidated by my son’s insatiable appetite for mathematics and science, I am determined to support him in pursuit of his passions.

Even when it means admitting to myself that I have no idea what electromagnetic radiation is, because I was busy learning the "Be Aggressive" cheer and trying to perfect my high kick.

I vow to encourage his exploration of all that interests him, be those interests odd or a bit off the beaten path. Whether he is obsessed with rocks or Morse code or playing the same Indiana Jones theme song on the piano 19 times a day, my job is to support him in pursuit of his passions.

My hope is that this support will help propel my son to march to the beat of his own drum. I wish for him that he forever remain unconcerned with becoming popular or well-dressed and wrinkle-free.